Can't wait

-4 and -3
!!!!!
I'm so excited these days, a lot of things are about to happen and I can't wait, but at the same time I don't want them to happen because I'm afraid I won't be enough... enough ready.

Everybody (=me) knows I often (always) speak english on my own, I say something while I'm eating, watching tv or just walking. Well, I was about to open my bedroom door when I said "Well, I think I will pretend to be happy"

that's me. So?

Uhm. I don't know.
What do I know? I know that sometimes you find something that forces you to look just in one direction, and then when you realize there's a lot more to look at you just feel amazed.
And I also know that I don't care how it's going to end because I'm completely satisfied. And I'm not interested in knowing something revelatory. I'd, of course, like it but I don't have any expectation. And that's why I'm not afraid: I know I won't be disappointed.

Does it make any sense?